Telling Family & Friends - Yikes!

Quote from mom:  "You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think about you if you realize how seldom they did."

Deciding to have weight loss surgery - the vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG) has been a tough decision to make but after consulting with doctors and my husband, we feel like it is the right decision.  Now how do I tell people?  I'm usually an open book about everything with my friends and family.  So who do I tell first?  Who will understand?  Of course my fear is that they will not understand and will think I'm taking the easy way out of losing this weight - after research I realize there is nothing easy about this surgery- it's right thing to get my health back. But I'm really freaking out about telling people.  No longer keeping my head in the sand about my heart disease.

A little family history as I'm not as concerned about telling my immediate family - I know they will be supportive but a little surprised.  I'm the middle child - have an older sister and younger brother.  We watched our father gain and lose a 100 lbs many times in his life.  Dad was a Type 2 Diabetic, had high blood pressure and had heart disease.  We all have memories of being in the emergency room with him having a heart attack and carrying the nitroglycerin in his pocket for his angina.  He died at age 77 of a stroke.  He was very conscious of our weight and really wanted us kids not to struggle with our weight as he did.  And of course all three of us struggle with our weight - my sister and brother have been doing a better job of keeping control then me but have been on every diet known to man.  My sister was the first person I talked to about the surgery and she has been very supportive.  I also told my brother and he also thought it was going to be life-changing for my husband and I.  I waited until I had the cardiac clearance to tell my two boys - 24 & 21 - I think they were surprised but glad I was doing something about our health - I'm sure they worry about us. 

Next up - how to tell my 91 year old mom who lives 9 hours away by car and has had a broken femur this past summer and TIA's.  She talks to me at least 2 times a day, either my brother and I are there checking on her every month (after spending the summer getting her through the hospitals, rehabs, and settled with nursing care). She does have short-term memory loss and will worry about me going through surgery.  Because she is confused with the timing of events, I've decided not to tell her until after the surgery - will let my brother explain it to her the day of surgery.  She would work herself into a nervous frenzy about it.  I'm not sure she will understand but will be happy I am losing weight.  Because of her age and her health history, I'm nervous about being able to get to her if something happens to her but my surgeon assures me I'll be able to travel in two weeks after the surgery. My older sister does what she can but she lives far away and it's expensive for her to come help. Right now my mom is doing great physically - amazing how she has bounced back from the broken femur.  Another blog.

Okay - now for the really scary part for me and what was made me really nervous - how to tell my friends?  Like I said - I normally am an open book so keeping this from them has been hard.  Most of my close friends eat very healthy and LOVE to exercise (Dear God - why didn't you bless me with that gene?).  If they eat bad at one meal - they adjust for it at night or the next day.  They have it under control.  I hate being the largest one in the group and taking group pictures when we are out and about - I always want to be in the back.  (And please don't post that picture to Facebook - I look horrible.)  My fear is that they won't understand.  But aren't most of our fears unwarranted?

So I took the plunge (after some praying about it) and called one close friend to let her know what was going on and what I was doing.  The day I got the personal call from my internist about getting his approval for the surgeon I was going to use - I was with my friends playing Mah Jong.  They heard me get a call from the doctor and I went outside to visit with him.  When I got back, I told them everything was fine.  Turns out they were all worried about me - thought something was going on with my heart.  My friend was relieved I'm okay and is excited for me to have the surgery.  Whew - so my fears were unrealized.  Another longtime friend is totally on board.  So that is making the telling easier - now I've told 4 friends total.  They've all been great.  I did go to lunch with someone I'm not as close too so I didn't tell her - just that I was on a diet again.  Tonight we are going out to eat with another couple so I guess we will tell them tonight - we will see how the night goes.  They do know I'm on a diet.  I'm not sure who else I'll tell but it's going better than I thought.  My fears completely unfounded.

My mother's always told me - "You wouldn't worry so much about what people think of you if you realize how seldom them did." I'm not saying my friends don't think about me - but my thinking process of worrying about what they thought about this surgery VSG is unfounded - they will be concerned and helpful but they have their own problems in their life to really worry about - aging parents, kids, and all the other curveballs life throws at us.  They just have different problems than me - mine right now is my health - no longer sticking my head in the sand!  

Going through the Emotions...

This has been a tough month emotionally meeting with doctors, having tests, and trying to decide what to tell family and friends about the decision to have the weight loss surgery - vertical sleeve  gastrectomy (VSG).  It is also a tough decision to make as we found out our insurance does not cover bariatric surgery in any shape, form or fashion even though it will make huge differences in the health of my husband and I.  We will be paying for it ourselves.  In the long run, the surgery will pay for itself with the health benefits, etc.  Just took us awhile mentally to get there. Checkmark -  Decision made to have surgery!

The bariatric surgeons my internist recommended were a lot more expensive than the surgeon I found.  This surgeon had a great staff and spent an hour and a half with me going over the surgery and recovery. I liked him and his staff. I called my internist to ask about this surgeon and he called me back personally and visited about fifteen minutes about this surgeon - he knew him well and thought he was an excellent surgeon - just did not practice at the same hospital as my internist.  The internist is very conservative (has been our doctor for 18 years through various health problems so we trust his guidance) and gave this surgeon his approval.  I went ahead and met with the more expensive bariatric surgeon to make sure I wasn't making a mistake based on a sheer financial decision.  His office staff was a little rude, extremely busy, and I waited longer.  When I got to meet with him, he spent maybe 10 minutes with me.  (I had had to watch a video presentation or attend a seminar by him before I had the appointment.) He asked me questions such as "Why not the bypass or lap band?" For some reason he intimidated me and I had a hard time feeling comfortable with him.  It was part my fault that the appointment did not last longer as he kept asking me if I had any questions and I could not think of anything at that time - the other surgeon had really informed me - as well as all the message boards.  He is an excellent surgeon but not for me.  Checkmark - surgeon found!

Next on my list was getting the cardiac clearance because I had a heart attack in 2007.  I had already made an appointment with cardiologist for my annual appointment back in December (turns out I missed last year - yes, I've had my head in the sand about my having heart disease) so off I go to discuss with him about my heart and his opinions on me having the surgery.  He was definitely for the surgery - said getting the weight off would help with my heart.  He gave me the EKG and I had to have the nuclear treadmill stress test - UGH!  Since I am not consistent with my exercise and going to the gym or walking, that frightened me - I've had two before.  It's never as bad as my imagination.  My cardiologist said we could do the  chemical version since I told him I was out-of-shape.  I had it a couple of days after the appointment and the guys running the test decided I should try the treadmill since I had done it before - and I did it.  Note to self: please stay consistent with the exercise - you do have heart disease!  On the way home,  I couldn't drive through to get fast food - I stopped and got a salad!  The next day I go to the internist for the  pre-op clearance and testing (blood work, orders for chest ex-ray & h-pyloric breath-tek.  Uh-oh - he tells me I didn't pass the Nuclear Stress Test - showed some abnormalities - he immediately calls the cardiologist and they talk about my case right then and there in front of me - cardiologist thinks the abnormalities have been there since the heart attack and will study my case some more but I will probably still be approved because this will help my heart disease.  And of course this is a Friday and I won't hear anything til Monday.  Checkmark- part of my pre-op appointments & tests done!

On Monday I started my pre-op diet and got my chest ex-ray & h-pyloric test.  Of course I start the diet three pounds heavier because I've been eating everything I can think of in anticipation.  Yes, I know I wasn't supposed to but that spaghetti, pizza, steak dinner, wine, etc. was really great!  And I ate all the cake and sweet stuff at a baby shower in front of a bunch of women - something as a larger gal I would usually never do in front of people - usually only in private! (Think I might have some issues to work on??)  My surgeon's pre-op diet is a little different - a light breakfast (can have an egg, oatmeal, toast or cereal) and a light meal (lean protein and two green veggies) and two protein shakes or protein in greek yogurt.  No fats or white stuff.  Can have another shake or low fat snack if hungry.  I've been trying to stay busy to keep my mind off what I'm missing - so far the cravings are okay and I know the sugar & carb cravings will decrease if I just stick to it. My husband told me, "You don't have a choice sticking to this diet - he won't do the surgery if your liver has not shrunk" - good motivation. Yes - I still miss my Diet 7-up in the mornings - love the carbonation- but so far have not succumbed.  At the end of the day I get the call from the cardiologist's nurse - I have his cardiac approval. Checkmark - CARDIAC CLEARANCE (YEAH!) and all lab work completed.

Next up on my list- telling friends & family!  Next blog!

Introductions....

Let me introduce myself- I'm a mom whose struggled with her weight all her life. I really didn't start seriously putting on weight until my 30's- and now at 54 - I'm considered morbidly obese (hate that term) & have high blood pressure.  My husband & I love to go out to eat and also cook good meals. We are now empty nesters- oldest son is out of college & working - yeah! Youngest son is a junior in college. I'm trying to figure out what to do with this next stage of my life after being a stay-at-home mom who was a professional volunteer at school & the kids activities. ( When I found myself in charge of the concession stand for the high school baseball team one year - I knew I had a serious problem with my volunteer activities!- that should be a whole discussion for another blog!)


In 2007 while working at the high school baseball concession stand- I began to have some chest discomfort- after a long uncomfortable night - went to doctor & then hospital and finally found out I was having a heart attack- I was 49 and had lost 30 lbs that year & exercising. (Also another blog about that experience coming). I had a heart cath & a stent put in and immediately felt better. My diet was definitely heart healthy for the next six months- couldn't even stand watching someone put butter on their bread in front of me. Unfortunately, I must have a short memory because I gradually went back to my old way of eating and have since gained around 50 lbs.

My internist hurt my feelings this past spring when he mentioned weight loss surgery to me after watching me gain and lose 20 or so pounds every year. I went home and did a little investigating and promptly decided it wasn't for me. My 90 year old mother had a stroke and broke her femur this past summer which resulted in lots of stress-related eating for me and 20 lbs ( Can't I blame my weight gain on my mother??) . And she's still a stressful situation as she recuperates!! (Another blog- dealing with aging parents)

At my yearly check-up with my internist in November - this time I listened to him when he suggested weight loss surgery as a "tool" to help me with weight since I was not being successful keeping weight off. He went into detail about each WLS surgery and thought the gastric-sleeve was a great option for me. He also is not affiliated with any doctor or facility and was not financially gaining from this surgery in any way. Good man- has helped our family through many health issues for the past 17 years- in other words- I trust his advice.  So I went home with an open mind and started researching the gastric sleeve and discussing with my husband.

My dear hubby is also a big part of this equation. He's a big guy who our doctor has been trying to talk into WLS surgery for many years. He's Type 2 diabetic and also has high blood pressure.  After his annual physical with our internist in January, he came home and said, " Let's do this weight loss surgery- it's time!"

So off I go investigating the gastric sleeve or vertical sleeve surgery and doctors! I'm going to try and blog about this journey. I'm scared and excited at the same time! I feel like maybe it's time for this butterfly to come out of her cocoon and try her new wings and dream some new dreams- join me!!